Posted by concretegirl at 10:05 AM on March 3, 2005.
if it weren't for You this would not have been possible. Posted by concretegirl at 02:18 PM on March 13, 2005 in In His Steps.
I am here in Netopia in Robinson's Metro East, downloading thesis files and wondering how the heck I will be able to save them in my iPod because I can't see a USB port near me (why doesn't this computer have the close USB ports anyway?) so I don't know how I'm gonna work here...so maybe I'll just do some Net stuff I'm bound to do later at home and so I can really work there. So there.
The weekend is too long to document, and pictures will probably do justice instead of words. But I don't have the photos with me yet, so I'll just be posting them later. I do have something valuable though, and it's what I was searching for this weekend.
The past weeks I've been struggling. To those who know me, you might think I'm not because I'm always smiling or I'm always busy doing something else. Truth be told, I'm really not okay.
I'd rather not divulge why I am struggling; it's something that only a few people really know about. This is different from who I was before because I'm actually not that comfortable in telling people this particular struggle of mine. Two reasons: 1) talking about it with too many people would make it a big deal and I don't want it to be a big deal and 2) people might not understand why I am struggling.
The struggle is between me and God. It's a...battle between my will and His, and I know that I will surrender to His will eventually. But the control freak in me is fighting. Especially in this area of my life.
What happened at the camp was another slap of reality, and I'm disappointed at how it made me feel...I tell people I'm okay, but really, I'm not. I want to cry, I want to get angry. But I can't. At least, not yet. If ever I will cry, it's going to be when only God can see me.
It's hard, but I'm surviving. I'm holding on to Him, because He's the only one I can cling to, the only one who knows whats best for me, who knows why these things are happening. He knows and understands, even if I don't. And that is enough assurance for me.
God's love is enough. It was my talk for the camp, and I believe in everything that God made me say that night. He alone can satisfy me, he alone can make my life wonderful. So I'm letting go, and I mean, REALLY LETTING GO. Like what Bea said, "Life is a constant surrendering to Him." He is enough.
It's not going to be easy. But I know God won't let His eyes off me. The fire would be burning, but the Refiner knows what He's doing. And I will hold on to that promise.
"Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
And if all of these trials would bring me closer to You
Then I would go through the fire if You want me to."
If You Want Me To, Ginny Owens
Posted by concretegirl at 07:24 PM on March 16, 2005.
I wish this week is over.
But at the same time I don't want to. Because this is my birthday week. --;
But I'm SO STRESSED! I can't stop thinking about my INTROOS exam tomorrow, and the THESIS PROPOSAL DEFENSE on Friday! O_o;
Can't I just move my birthday next week?!?!?!?!
RAWR. /PANICS 
Kaya to. Must study INTROOS now.
"I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13
"Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7
Oh yeah! I'm turning 19 tomorrow. How cool is that? 
Posted by concretegirl at 08:59 PM on March 19, 2005.
Hello, I'm officially 19. Thank you to all those who greeted me and remembered.
And to those who didn't know: our thesis defense didn't push through. 
Imagine the frustration. Haha. Why didn't it push through? There were
no panelists. We ended up having a mock defense with Sir Oli. The real
defense would still be next week. Rawr. More jittery nerves. Hay.
Prayers still appreciated.
Now that I'm 19, I resolve to do the following:
My 18th year in the world was pretty eventful, and I'm glad it was. Made me a better person. I'm sure my 19th year would be a blast as well.
Wohoo. By the way, if anyone wants a Jars of Clay Rare mp3 cd, just tell me. I have a CD ready to be burned here.
Posted by concretegirl at 11:04 PM on March 25, 2005.
I''ve had this song for ages but I only got to really listen to it
today. Beautiful. I want this to be on my wedding songs list. 
Hehe.
------------------------
Fly Farther (click on title to download song)
[Jars of Clay (feat. Alisson Krauss)]
he picked her up some flowers on a sunday afternoon
they sat out on the porch swing underneath the crescent moon
a lifetime seemed to pass
staring at the skies
and on the swing he gave her the ring
there were tears in her eyes
i said i pray i'm not alone in my dreams about forever
that you and i could become one and always be together
we'd grow old and wise through all the days
for worse or for better
and i'll be true beside of you
even now more than ever
and my time flies, but we'll fly farther
into the night where the eyes of loneliness can never bother
all our dreams of together
uneclipsed by never, never
my time flies; it's in your eyes
but we'll fly farther
fifty years have ridden off into the sunset
and the tears that we have cried have overflown
and here we are, counting scars
wounds of life's unending upset
you're with me and i'm with you
and i will never forget
and my time flies, but we'll fly farther
into the night where the eyes of loneliness can never bother
all our dreams of together
uneclipsed by never, never
my time flies; it's in your eyes
but we'll fly farther
he picked her up some flowers on a sunday afternoon
he rode the greyhound bus past the house they used to swoon
he knelt beside the grave, hung his head, a teardrop fell
and on the stone, an epitaph shown
the words he knew so well
and my time flies, but we'll fly farther
into the night where the eyes of loneliness can never bother
all our dreams of together
uneclipsed by never, never
my time flies; it's in your eyes
but we'll fly farther
my time flies, but we'll fly farther
into the night where the eyes of loneliness can never bother
all our dreams of together
uneclipsed by never, never
my time flies; it's in your eyes
but we'll fly farther
we'll fly farther
we'll fly farther
Posted by concretegirl at 11:17 PM on March 26, 2005.
I was flipping through my Bible, and this particular highlighted verse jumped out at me.
"Do everything without grumbling..." - Philippians 2:14
This
is cool. Just when I was about to start complaining again on the
amount of work I have for this week. Must keep this in mind. :D